Jan 6 2013

I am present…

Posted by Knonie

I am present
in the past
of everyone
I loved.

— Knonie.

20130106-233319.jpg


Jan 4 2013

Do you love me?

Posted by Knonie

Do you love me
Or hate seeing me
without you?

— Knonie.
20130104-034834.jpg


Dec 18 2012

میرا وجود (My Existence)

Posted by Knonie

-١-

مجھے خوشی ہوتی ہے جب مجھے بھیک ملتی ہے- اس بات کی خوشی کہ حسب توفیق کوئی اپنی ذاتی زندگی کا کچھ حصّہ ہمیشہ کے لئے مجھے دے رہا ہے- مجھے کسی چیز سے کوئی خاص سروکار نہیں ہوتا- میں ہاتھ نہیں پھیلاتا مگر شاید میری شکل سے ہی سب اندازہ لگا لیتے ہوں-

مجھے پڑھنے کا بہت شوق ہے- باقی سب کی طرح کبھی افسری اور نوکری کے خواب تو نہیں دیکھے اسی لئے کالج بھی چھوڑ دیا- بس خود ہی کچھ نہ کچھ سیکھتا رہتا ہوں- پارک کےتنہا کونے میں کچرے کے بڑے ڈ بے کے ساتھ اس ٹوٹے بینچ پرکوئی کتاب پکڑے بیٹھ کرکبھی سوچتا ہوں اور باقی وقت سوتا ہوں- یوں اکیلے ہوتے ہوئے بھی میری زندگی میں تنہائی کا تصّورنہیں ہے- شاید شروع سے ہی الگ تھلگ رہنے سے اپنے آپ کو کوئی سورج چاند جیسی چیز سمجھتا ہوں-

-٢-

میں لوگوں کی طرف اتنا دیکھا ہی نہیں کرتا- وہ سب ایک ہی جیسے رنگ برنگ سے ہوتے ہیں- یہ نہیں معلوم کہ وہ کیا کیا سوچتے ہیں مگر ایسا ضرور لگتا ہے کہ وہ بہت کچھ جانتے ہیں- کبھی کبھی ایسا محسوس ہوتا ہے کہ جو بھی مجھ پر نگاہ ڈالتا ہے وہ میرا سب احوال جان لیتا ہے- بھیک دینے والوں کا چہرہ ضرور دیکھتا ہوں- یہی چند انسان ہوتے ہیں جو کچھ لمحے میری زندگی کا حصہ بنتے ہیں- اس سے زندگی میں کچھ ہلچل مچ جاتی اور یہ کائنات اور وسیع ہوتی جاتی ہے-

-٣-

میرا ماضی، حال، اور مستقبل سب ایک ہی دن ہے- یہی آج کا دن جس میں میں جی رہا ہوں- میرے پاس ماضی کے کوئی کارنامے ہیں اور نہ ہی مستقبل کے کوئی خواب- میں تو خود وہ خواب ہوں جو اس وقت دیکھا جا رہا ہے- اسی خواب میں وہ چہرہ میرے پاس آیا، باقی سب پاس آنے والوں کی طرح- ناجانے کیوں میں نے اس کی آنکھوں کی چمک کو دیکھا اور اس میں مجھے اپنا عکس نظر آیا- زندگی میں پہلی بار یوں اپنے آپ کو دیکھا اور دیکھتا ہی رہ گیا ہوں-

– – –


Dec 9 2012

My Phobias and other annoying things…!!!

Posted by Knonie

My Phobias… Hey, I don’t even know what this term actually means in Psychology…

As a human being, I too have many. The thing is that I realized many of them and controlled them a lot. That’s the most interesting part…

According to my rules, there are two solutions of overcoming your fears:

  1. Avoid that thing, if possible.
  2. Try to learn to live with it, steadily.

Insects:

Those legged creatures are too annoying, especially when they crawl on your body. I used to fear them a lot when I was a kid. But gradually, I have changed my habits (perception). And now I take these things so ordinary that still I like to catch insects, bugs in my hands. These include Ladybirds, Mantis, Grasshoppers, Crickets, Ants, butterflies and moths, spiders, bees, wasps… still looking for cockroaches.

Heights:

It’s not that strong fear, but still, I don’t feel comfortable being on the edges of high roofs and looking down. Maybe, it’s a fear of falling. So I don’t usually peep from the roofs.

Certain People:

I don’t feel comfortable sitting in the company of elder people, people having narrow [mental] vision and people wearing Army Uniforms or formal dresses.

Quarrels:

I don’t like being into places where people fight, especially physical beating. Similarly, I don’t like wars, neither watch news of this sort. I think that most of our cases can also be solved peacefully.

Accidents:

I always wish to stay away from any big accident or mishap, fire, drowning, road accident, etc.

Vehicles:

That phobia is somewhat still here. I hate vehicles. I always wish to have those old chariots days, or just bicycles around… but we can’t help it, these fast moving vehicles are a must. Still, I haven’t practiced driving and not intended to. I guess, I’ll do it somehow if I ever try.

Bus…

[Originally written on Aug 25, 2005]



Jul 26 2012

The Meeting

Posted by Knonie

Clay faces

When you saw me, without false robes
You offered your heart

When I held your hands
I touched your heart

You talked to me
but had a conversation with yourself

We met each other wearing mirrors
and fell in love with each other

(Knonie, 7 May, 2011)


Jul 3 2012

“You are what you look at” – Digital Art

Posted by Knonie

[Click images to view larger version]
bodyscape
bodyscape
bodyscape


May 19 2012

Aura of a singular person- Digital Expressions

Posted by Knonie

“With forms and colours, with truth and lies,
I fell in love with you.
With pictures and drawings, with clothing and nakedness,
and everything I did to say what I otherwise cannot say.”

— Knonie.
Aura of a singular person - 01
Aura of a singular person - 02
Aura of a singular person - 03


Mar 19 2012

That’s how my old friends define Knonie…

Posted by Knonie

I moved to a different phase when I was admitted to UET Lahore in 1998. There I got a chance to understand so much about life and people. Probably that’s the time when I actually started to realise the fact that I am free. I got some really amazing friends during and after that time. Then internet came along, and most of us got stuck to online UETian Forum and Orkut to discuss various things all the time which helped everyone become more familiar with each other. During all this time, these are some of the friends who took me the way I am, and appreciated me for who I am.  I’m very lucky to have friends like them and I’m sure not everyone gets this privilege to get this much love and respect from his friends. It feels great to see all of them doing great in their lives now. I’m sharing the testimonials they wrote for me some 8 years ago, and see how they looked at me…

Advertise Anywhere, © Knonie

Sherry [Ambarene]:

HE is a kind of person who can make you believe that rainbow has more than seven colours. ‘MAGICIAN’ as I call him, always there whether you need him or not, person with very wild ideas, can talk on anything. HE loves stuff toys, is careless, drinks Mountain Dew, wear Levi’s… aur jab aap insay agree nahi kerain gay tou koi ma’arfat ki aisii baat kerain gay k banda chup hojata hai, kion k akser ko tou samajh nahi aati aur jo samajh jatay hain woh….genius hotay hain 😀

(29 Sept 2004)

Hasan Tanvir:

K-nonie bahi… He is an Artist…. A complete artist… Man who can do anything to please you …. He loves smiles… I have learned a lot from him… and one thing I would like to say about his eyes:) “teri ANKHON kay siwa duniya main rakha kia hai”

and he is very ZIDDI like we all SCORPIONS are… but believe me he cares a lot about his friends, but he is very afraid of EXAMZ… even we all begged him to take the EXAMZ!!! Khair he is human too kia hua jo artist hai to… He believes in his dreams…..and yes there will be a Day insha Allah… when we all [DEW TEAM] will make “DHOOM”… May Allah be with you ….!!! I know He is your best friend……;)

(15 Dec 2004)

Ahmed Faraz:

Knonie! He’s a darling, everyone loves him, and so do I.

He can do anything, he can be anything, he thinks he’s a god. Artist, designer, musician, singer, but not a civil engineer. He lives in his own world of dreams and morals. Highly imaginative and optimistic. He has that conviction and faith which can make “mountains move”, the way he followed his dreams and priorities against all odds is evident of this. Thats why he sometimes seems stubborn but he’s really sweet and helpful.

Nonie loves to socialize, you will always find him surrounded by new and interesting people, he has a big fan following; a celebrity in making 😉 Due to his social life I’ve met very nice people. I’ve known Nonie for a long time, spent time together wandering aimless late nights in university days, discussing philosophy, arts, music, movies.

Nonie has always been a source of inspiration for me.

Caution: Nonie can be highly addictive, take him in small doses.

(27 Jan 2005)

Samerene:

knoodles… as I call him… someone very difficlt to understand but very easy to be with… who is always there to listen… who has veryyyyyyyy different views about everythng… batain buhut mushkil karta hai aur manta bhi nahi k woh mushkil hain… Someone who is not just frnd.

(21 Jun 2005)

Cashif:

AHMED , mostly known as KNONIE… I know him from the last seven and half years. A long time to judge and understand a person. I’ve seen him changing, evolving and propagating…

He is a god of many things, needs no degrees or recognition from any institute as he is an institute himself. People learn from him. I also learnt a lot in our relationship.

He has a quality to attract people. Wherever he goes, a gathering is formed giving him a pivotal status. This is because he knows something about everything.

Long live KNONIE

(28/29 Oct 2005)

Asad:

Ladies & Gentlemen, whoever amongst you haven’t met Knonie yet, you haven’t lived half your life (mercifully!!!).

Knonie bhai is the most unpredictably sweet person I have ever met (equally obnoxious at the same time). We never shared any likes & dislikes. His likes are his own, like K***** & T*****, painting, sketching, web design etc. etc. etc .etc. and yes of course, just being obnoxious, his most noteworthy trait. But still we share a lot, which is, as knonie puts it, the Scorpian Nature.

(29 Oct 2005)

Kashif:

Thought Changer – Life Changer.

(6 Dec 2005)

Ucheee [Usman]:

Ahh… What shall I say now. I’m always degrading his work, always taunting him to make him as ordinary as we are. Always saying bad words about him on his face but still I don’t know why I praise him so much when he is not around. He looks like my elder brother in his appearance but he is a hell much better than him in every aspect. I don’t respect many people but he is the one I respect by my heart 🙂 He thinks he is perfect but he is just a kid, he couldn’t be better than me ;)…You can call him an angel, because he’ll be there for you always, but he doesn’t work for free. Prefers Relationship over everything that’s why he likes those guys who are nicer to him, unlike me :)…

He knows how to talk with his mouth shut and knows how to make someone understand what he wants to say. If you spend your life searching for a Friend like him, that life wouldn’t be a wasted life :)… Words aren’t just enough to describe him. Waisay tou he is a Big Bonga but Artiyaan achi maar laitay hain ;).

I would say that I HATE THIS PERSON more than anything, and I mean it ;)… Hey Buddy stay like this forever, you look good this way… Best wishes for you and your Burhpapa{Future}…God Bless us All 🙂

(2 Feb 2006)

Fay:

She bites !

(16 Jun 2007)


Mar 18 2012

With You, You and more You

Posted by Knonie

The point is not what I am without you. I don’t know it. What I know is I am never without you. Two souls living in one body or one soul living in two bodies. It’s just something I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain and I always end up using the similar words we have already read in stories and never thought how they taste in reality. It’s something like you become ecstatic, things and life becomes clearer. You exist in some ultimate existence. You feel you are really alive. You realize your self. Existence!

It was always “I” against the rest of the world. You say you are a fighter like me, and that’s what brought us together. I show you what you have missed and you tell me what I haven’t heard. Other people of the world are like actors in this great play of life, and we are doing the things we should do, without being distracted by the numerous people playing their own specific roles.

I’m not good for anyone else, and each new day confirms this statement. There are some specific times when I can give a bit of myself to others, but the way it is with you, no one is even close. It is only you or no one else, and when there’s no one else, I feel my existence will be useless. If you are not real, then I must say that nothing is real. If you are not real then God is not real, and the computer is not real, and my father watching game on television downstairs is not real. Without your reality, everything will cease to exist. Yes, I’m not good for anyone else.

There’s one special person like me, and there I see the rest of this world trying to take you away and making you weak. What if they let you go. Can’t they spare just one person, just you. When I hold your hand and feel you near, I no longer fear the world. If you feel the same, please come… It’s so hard to wait so many years… a lifetime…

 

I'm an adventurer,© Knonie


Mar 14 2012

And the dead beloved writes…

Posted by Knonie

You know, after so many years, when things will become more stable, agreeable and normal, you’ll see that the most amazing moments of your life were spent with me. There are thousands of other things that make you happy but there you see I stand out. Wasn’t I really made for you? Wasn’t I really came into your life because you also needed me in your life?

Faces and Numbers, © Knonie

It may sound strange, but you are the last person I ever loved, and in fact, still only love you while you’re reading this.

You helped me realise who am I, and then everything started to become clear…

Every day you live is a new day for you. You don’t even need to remember me ever. I have so become a part of you.

Someone to understand you the way you are, someone to share your everything. Someone to understand you the way you are and the way you understand them. Someone to laugh and cry with, someone to love and avoid, whenever we want.

When someone doesn’t have anyone to share, anyone to listen, he become lonely, no matter even if he talks all day. Sharing is love. I’m feeling hungry. Hey, share me a chocolate over the internet…


Mar 10 2012

If it’s really you…

Posted by Knonie

In my most private moments and during my sacred rituals, you are there with me. You are there in my happiness, in my pain, in my wishes and in all the things I could think of. You are the one who lulls me to sleep every night, and you are the one who wakes me up every morning.

The closer I’m coming to you, the farther I am leaving everything else behind. I do not need the people and the memories of the past. I was hurt, I had cried and suffered, I have spent sleepless nights and painful days, but still I kept on looking for you in everyone, believing that one day I will find you. The one who understands, the one who feels you and becomes the part of your body and soul.

Like a drop losing its separate existence after mingling with sea, I am beginning to lose the part of my self and ego, and becoming more like a part of your existence.

It is only you… It is only you…
And if it’s really you, then I know you feel it too.

Strawberry rose carving, © Knonie

Strawberry rose carving, © Knonie


Mar 6 2012

Of Satan and other personal evils

Posted by Knonie

It was a magnificent fountain carved in ruby that was making very sweet melodies when the fine pearls were striking it instead of water droplets. On its edge, he was sitting, perplexed.

“Greetings, Iblis!” a gentle voice of an angel was heard. “I just came here to gather some pearls, as I am ordered to decorate the bank of that stream around there…”

“Oh well, yes, go ahead. After all, I belong here no more.” Iblis responded in a low tone.

The angel did not say anything. He did not need to say anything, or maybe he did not want to indulge in a conversation, or maybe he lacked this property of his brain, and even presence of a real “brain” is debatable.

“You already know what happened. In fact, everyone knows about it.” Iblis continued speaking to his freshly arrived listener.

“I was publicly humiliated (if that is what you call ‘Public’), and why for? You know why? Because of nothing. Just because of the fact that I said the truth.”

The devil in me, © Knonie

Apart from the high-ranked Archangels specified for doing their specific tasks, we are unaware of the angelic nomenclature or anything that can help us in knowing what these other uncountable worker-angels are called. This is the very reason we are referring to our angel in this story as “Angel”, and hence it should be taken as the same angel that came to pick the pearls. Continue reading


Feb 7 2012

Reality doesn’t hurt, it’s the unreal that hurts…

Posted by Knonie

Freedom, Photo © Haby, Knonie

I tried binding others by the chains of what I can now call so-called promises, future dreams, and impracticable but emotional commitments. I somehow believed that this was the way these things should go.  It took some time for me to realise that even if that’s the way things usually go around, this thing won’t work for me. I must do what I ought to do. Having something “Red” in front of my eyes and making myself believe that it is actually my favourite “Blue” is more like a deception. Reality doesn’t hurt, it’s the unreal that hurts, we just need to understand and face it. Everyone has their own limits to love and understand anyone else, then why force anyone to love you the way they cannot understand?

I no longer believe in binding anyone in these kinds of chains. Love gives you Freedom, and Trust defines Freedom. While the unfulfilled promises hurt you and the idealism shatters you, Love keeps you happy and Trust keeps you satisfied. Each moment of your life becomes a wonderful experience…

You are free, like air around me…
This is the Trust I experience with you…


Feb 7 2012

Pain is a Word… is a Feeling… is a Flavour…

Posted by Knonie

Pain is a word we use to define a wide range of feelings or sensations. To me, it’s a synonym for taste, although, taste is yet not a feeling.

Pain can be divided into two wide categories: Physical pain and Mental/Psychological pain. But as we can see, both of these have their distinct flavor and feel. Perhaps the most common trait among both of these types is that they “Hurt”, otherwise, both are entirely different.

If we look at the “Physical pain”, we can see that it can still be divided into many other forms, categorized on the basis of the “source”, “cause”, or the “reason” of this pain. All these terms like burn, scratch, bruise, cut, slit, punch, push, hit, etc, create “Pain”, but on further closer look, we see that all of them create pain of a different kind. A pin prick certainly doesn’t create the pain we get if we accidentally touch a hot iron. Each pain is unique, just like flavors of every fruit is different. Naming all these pains differently might have created even more confusions, that’s why they find it easy to term it generally as “Pain”.

Then, there’s that mental or psychological pain, almost all of us are familiar with. Just like physical pain I described above, this pain too, has many sub-categories depending on the type of the source, reason or cause. If we lose someone we love, we feel pain, if someone breaks a commitment with us, we feel hurt, and so on.

Now what? If pain is something that you “experience”, (if “suffer” is a negative term,) then it must be experienced the way you experience other things in life. I’m not preaching sadism or masochism here, but we should not let our pains become our sufferings…


When I wrote all of this, it was March 2010, almost 2 years back… But Now I thought I should publish it.